Bring It On!

Flat Decider

August 31st, 2006 | by Paul Merda |

Jesus’ General has a doozie (wonder why no one uses that word anymore?) up today. The Maine National Guard started a program called Flat Daddy, or Flat Mommy, that provides a life-size cardboard cut-out of the families loved one who is away serving in Iraq. This way it’s like the family was never split up. Jesus’ General thought that making a Flat Decider would be grand, this way instead of going to no funerals of Servicemen killed on duty he could go to them all.

It doesn’t have to be that way. With a dozen or so Flat Deciders™, he could attend nearly every soldier’s funeral. I doubt most people would even notice that he’s only a cardboard cut-out. Indeed, the fact that the Flat Decider™ is merely a cold, heartless, two-dimensional rendition of a real human being is what makes it so realistic. Add the optional Pull-My-Finger™ fun kit, and no one will be able to tell the difference.

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