Bring It On!

Joe Liberal

September 20th, 2006 | by steve |

I felt inspired after reading Tom Baker’s post yesterday and the 60 plus comments that ensued afterwards. (Note: everyone missed mine at 35 but that is okay)

Today’s post is meant to be tongue in cheek, or is it?

You be the judge.

Joe Liberal wakes up in the early afternoon by the buzzer of the washing machine shutting down in his parents garage, which is just below his bedroom. His mom is still washing her son’s clothes even though he is 30 years old. Joe Liberal lives above his parents garage because he cannot get a job with the numerous drug tests he has failed. Joe blames his failures at the pee cup on the “system” and how marijuana is not a “real” drug and it should be legalized, since it apparently was grown (by slaves albeit) on Thomas Jefferson’s Plantation while he was serving his term as the 3rd President of the United States. Joe slaps on his Bob Marley T-Shirt, burn hole-ridden cargo shorts that haven’t been washed in a month and fires up his bong. After a few tokes, he rolls off his bed and into his computer chair, where he checks the messages on his five blogs he owns or particpates in, four of which are political and dedicated to criticizing the Bush Administration in three categories: The War in Iraq, Bush himself, and the environment. The fifth blog is hobby blog… dedicated to Phish, DMB and of course, marijuana. Today’s topic, legalization in Canada and the Michael Moore-like assumption that there is no crime or ill-health because of it.

Joe slaps on his multi colored Primus beeny, adjusts his nose and tongue rings and heads down to the kitchen for a meal. His mother just bought groceries so there is plenty for him. He looks in the fridge at the ground beef she has bought in disgust. He writes a note to his mother on the door of the fridge asking “How many cows had to dye for her Hamburger meat?” His mom also has laid out “Help Wanted” ads from the newspaper for jobs in the computer data entry field where his girlfriend, Jamie works. (Jamie of course, is five foot-one, barely 90 pounds, has glasses and long stringy brown hair that hasn’t been cut in years. Jamie looks as though she hasn’t seen the sunlight in months but is usually found reading a book out in front of the local coffee shop, next to the tattoo parlor. They have been together since college, which Joe has yet to complete because the “system” isn’t fair to his alternative intellect) Joe picks through the paper and sees an article on a former classmate from childhood who is opening a new restaurant in town. “Fucking tool!” Joe yells as he heads outside for a smoke and then to check the messages on his varies blogs. He has an ongoing conversation bitch fest with a “Republitard” over what percentage of total tax the middle class pays and how the middle class is “shrinking” because of the Bush Administration’s “unfair” tax cuts.

Joe naps for a few hours. It’s dark outside when he awakes. He loads up another bong hit, flips on a black light, turns on some Foghat, and checks his blogs. Writes a post on one of his political blogs about how drug use should be legalized, chastizes another “Feeble minded, Republitard” because the Republican asked him about “his plan” for America, to which he has no real response. He praises fellow “like minded” bloggers on his “Political Community” blog as they reach their 100,000th hit. He heads down to the kitchen for another me, posts a note on the fridge about the life of Chickens on the side of a KFC napkin from his mother’s dinner. He drinks his first glass of water for the day. He then goes down to the basement to see how his “plants” are doing. It’s 3 AM, he has one more smoke then heads to bed. Rinse, lather, repeat!!

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