Bring It On!

George Bush and the Holy Grail

March 1st, 2007 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Katrina George returned to the Gulf Coast on another listening tour today. Unlike his first visit, 18 months ago, the Commander-in-Chief managed to command Air Force One to actually land this time. Apparently, he’s learned it’s much easier to listen when you’re not zooming by at 10,000 feet and peering through the airplane window. However, I suspect he wasn’t listening much at ground level either.

It seems George has forgotten about that southern coast where he loved to go adrinkin’ and awhorin’ in his pre-Presidential, pre-sobriety years. He says he’s just pleased as punch at all the progress being made down there. By golly there’s scads of corners being turned, progress being made, and button-busted pride to crow about. However, it seems odd that with all that prideful progress he’s curiously forgotten to fly down and say a big howdy since before the mid-terms. He couldn’t find a spare paragraph in his State of the Union address for them either.

He’s just modest and busy I reckon.

Sorry About the Kitchen!

Today’s visit went about like the previous six. He walked amongst the debris remarking on how wonderful it was for people to work hand in hand to bring the Gulf Coast back to its original jumbo, gumbo glory. He clapped a few carefully chosen victims on the back and reminded them how damn lucky they are to live in country where the President is such a commonsense, likable fella he stops by for a cup of coffee in your kitchen - just to say he’s damn sorry the kitchen floated away and you can’t really afford coffee anyway.

If George is nothing else, he’s the eternal optimist. It doesn’t matter how disastrous things get, he sees right through those black clouds and basks in the glory of their inner silveriness while letting everyone know they should turn all those frowns upside down.

George’s optimism reminds me of the Black Knight - the hapless Monty Python character who doesn’t give up the fight even as his foe dismembers him, one appendage at a time.

Oops, There Goes an Arm

“Folks, I’m so glad things is comin’ back ta life here on the bayou.” WHACK! There goes the first arm.

“I done run them Talibani’s right the hell out uh Afghanomistan.” SLICE! There goes the other arm.

“And what about the fine, fine job I been doin’ in Eye-Raq? That’s some fine democracy we got goin’ there” CHOP! His knee departs his armless torso in a spray of blood.

As his opponent removes his last leg George says,”Ah think our international relations is workin’ right fine. Look how much them Eye-Raniers and Ko-republicans loves us.”

Never Give Up

George never gives up the fight. He stands there limbless, covered in blood, and tottering on his stumps while challenging the world to defy his cheeriness. “Everything’s fine! I have everything under control! You makes them terrists happy if’n you don’t smile ya know!”

And the Knight of NOLA stares at the delusional, bloody, rust bucket and says, “I’ve searched for the Holy Grail for my entire life. I’ve always wanted to meet the pivot man in the Axis of Idiocy.”

“I guess I can die happy now knowing that I’ve finished my quest.”

[tag]Politics, humor, bush, katrina, crapweasels, omnipotent+poobah, bring+it+on[/tag]

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