Bring It On!

Moron the Magnificent

The Bush administration - like many Republican and Democratic administrations before - finds itself faced with a seemingly endless supply of scandal. The scandals opened with his contested Presidential election and continues uninterrupted until this day. Alleged chad hunting, WMD manufacturing, constitutional cherry-picking, spy outing, and attorney firing are only small slices of a seemingly slimy pie. Whether you believe there’s fire behind the smoke or the accusations are simply a prolonged left-wing conspiracy, the situation has clearly left the country in the lurch.

Pick a Card, Any Card

No administration is ever completely immune, but the scandal quantity and quality of the past few administrations shows a decidedly steady climb. Administrations handle their scandals in different ways. Some lie. Some stonewall. Some grit it out until it blows over. There are infinitely more scandal mitigation schemes than administrations. At best, mitigation makes the damage manageable. At worst, the administration - and by extension the country - bog down in political quicksand that sucks so hard Tarzan couldn’t escape its gritty grasp.

Bush 41 chose to fight Iran/Contra - relatively successfully - by simply ignoring most of it. Bubba Bill chose lies before finally fessing up and gritting out impeachment. Bush 43 usually chooses what might best be called the Magician Gambit.

They approach each scandal much like a magician’s act. At far stage right, they place a beautiful sequin-clad assistant with a large red scarf. The pneumatic assistant waves the red scarf while theatrically puffing up her magnificent mammaries. The Great Dubya arrives center stage with a deck of cards. As the audience is entranced by the far right beauty, her red scarf, and her suitably chaste (although bulging) bosom, the Great Dubya begins a series of simple slight-of-hand card tricks. The riveted audience believes there is real magic afoot, so they let their guard down and take in the whole spectacle. Each trick builds on the successful fakery of the last until the act becomes unbelievably huge. Rube Goldberg contraptions hide participants and bloodily saw people in half. It’s a three-ring circus led by a showman who truly believe there’s a sucker born every minute.

Oops, I Did It Again

But at a certain point, the Great Dubya makes a fatal magician’s mistake - he performs the same act over and over in front of the same crowd. Eventually, the audiences grows bored with the predictable tricks and begins to pay more attention to the Great Dubya than the scantily-clad assistant. The crowd begins to trace the predictable slights-of-hand until they understand the trick. In desperation, the Great Dubya replaces the beautiful assistant with an ugly hag and retools the Goldberg machines so hastily they begin to fail on stage. The tricks unravel and the audience sees behind the facade. They scream for their money back.

The Great Dubya faces a dilemma all administrations eventually face. Should he continue the ruse as if nothing happened? Should he convert the magic act into a comedy act ala The Great Jonathan? Perhaps he should tough it out and hope things improve before the audience charges the stage. He could even just flee the stage in the middle of the night.

But one thing is sure. The audience will never see a penny of their admission again. It’s been spent, and worse, there’s nothing to show for it save a battered top hat and a cheap sequin outfit.

Cross Posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!
[tag]politics, bush, crapweasels, omnipotent+poobah, bring+it+on[/tag]