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The Elvis Conspiracy

April 26th, 2007 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

I’m not generally much of a conspiracy theorist. I don’t believe Elvis is in Wisconsin working at McDonald’s, or the moon landings were staged in a NASA studio, or that somehow the September 11 tragedies were purposely staged by the government. I am, by nature, a skeptic. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and try as hard as possible to base my decisions on fact.

However, I have a low tolerance for liars and charlatans once I do satisfy myself of their guilt. Nothing chaps me more than someone who tells a lie and then defends it by saying it’s to my advantage that they told the lie. I’m also inflamed by the notion that if said liar or charlatan is caught red-handed, telling the lie is somehow my fault. Someone telling a lie doesn’t make me a traitor, terrorist, or maniacal morale squasher.

It does, however, make them a liar.

Give Them Enough Rope…

I used to give the Bush administration plenty of leeway. If someone accused them of a lie, I generally countered there was no proof. I tended to explain each mishap as just blundering by a crew of incompetents. Of course, I also believed that no matter the reason we ended up in the soup, it was still inexcusably bad and Bush was still at the helm. I believed the cause of the blundering didn’t matter much. Whether you’re a ninny or a liar, bad stuff is still bad stuff.

Finally, the house of cards began to collapse. It became more and more difficult to look beyond the daily revelations of arrogant, dishonest behavior. With each oily drip, any benefit I was willing to offer found itself simply a doubt. Information conflicting with the party line was invariably blamed on lower level functionaries, the person who leaked, or the victim of the leaks. Everyone in the administration became overnight Alzheimer’s victims. Executive privilege came to mean, “I dare you to come and get the information.” The President came to look like a tin pot dictator protected by a squad of political suicide bombers. Eventually, the pretense of honesty or legitimate mistakes was abandoned along with the truth. The administration had gone to the well of distraction far too many times and the public came to trust them about nothing.

See that blue sky? If they said it was blue, at least 2/3 of the American public would consider it a hoax.

Blue Sky? What Blue Sky?

I don’t like living in a country where I question whether the sky is blue. I don’t like living in a country where every explanation from the administration is bound to cause a scandal within the week. I don’t hate America. I detest what it has become through dishonesty and incompetence. I also don’t like living in a country where I can’t give my elected officials the benefit of the doubt.

I’m surprised to find that I - the prototypical skeptic - now find myself constructing conspiracy theories of my own.

I look at the deepening cesspool of scandal and avarice and begin to consider the unthinkable. I see top-down rust throughout my government. From the inner circle to the lowest-level cronies, I see a tower so thoroughly weakened by corrosive bad behavior that I don’t see how it continues to stand. My government no longer serves me. A rabble of hubris-bloated hobnobbers have hijacked it for their own gain. Our national prestige and considerable treasure have leaked as readily as the levies in New Orleans and those leaks have eroded my natural resistance against conspiracies. Checks and balances have become a thing of the past. Our government is stacked and every switch and lever is off, allowing the administration and their supporters to stride like giants across the land.

A Real October Surprise

Looking at the facts, I can only conclude the wholesale rejiggering of my government will eventually lead to one thing - a real October surprise. Our next election may be outrageously stolen, or simply just called off. Once, such a thought would have been the worst of the worst conspiracy theories. Now, it seems to take on the patina of truth.

I sincerely hope my conspiracy theory is wrong, but if it isn’t, I may find myself heading to Wisconsin in search of Elvis.

Cross Posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

  1. 4 Responses to “The Elvis Conspiracy”

  2. By Chris on Apr 26, 2007 | Reply

    Unfortunetly I reached that level of dislusionment long ago. About a year into his first term I came to believe what I believe is a quote from a tv show.

    How do you know he’s lying?
    His lips are moving.

  3. By BYSHOP on Apr 26, 2007 | Reply

    I gave up the benefit of the doubt attitude towards people of power at a very young age. I firmly believe that anyone who tells you not to question has something to hide.

    This administration has always attacked those who question, because they were trying to hide and distract attention from the deliberate subversion and infiltration of this government.

    My wife thought I was wacko when shortly after 9/11 I told her I thought that GW would never step away from the presidency. Everything I have seen since has re-enforced that assumption. Wether it is a national disaster, or an out right bold face deposition of democracy I couldn’t say. I have had a bad feeling about this guy before the primary was complete. When he said (my paraphrase) that we were lucky to have elections during a time of war a chill went down my spine.

    Democracy (and it’s many sub-categories) has always been a fragile social system. We are nearing the limits of the historical durability of the democratic model. This country is lucky to have survived thus far. In 1933 Roosevelt was nearly overthrown by a group of wealthy elite. Unfortunately in this modern instance the executive branch is sympathetic to the business interests. Instead of a coup they are taking over the infrastructure of our society, leaving the average man nearly powerless to stop it.

    I find that those who dismiss out right that these things can and are happening are arrogant, and intellectually dis-honest. More prolific and stable societies than this have fallen, and there will be greater to come.

  4. By ken grandlund on Apr 26, 2007 | Reply

    OP- Welcome to my world of distrust and disgust. While not a conspiracy theorist either, I don’t consider it to be unusual to believe that things are falling apart when you can clearly see them falling apart. If it walks like a duck, and all that…

    I could easily envision a Bush attempt to subvert the next major electoral process, but don’t think he’d risk an internal civil war. He doesn’t exactly have a standing army ready to kill americans for his glory- yet. But I do see a continued corporate take-over of America regardless of who the next pres is, and only a concerted citizen effort can prevent that. Not sure on the how of it all yet, but do believe that the answer lies with the common man, as it always has.

  5. By Omnipotent Poobah on Apr 26, 2007 | Reply

    Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always been skeptical and suspected there were shenanigan’s going on just as all of you have. I just didn’t have legal-quality proof and in some cases was unwilling to accuse somebody of something on nothing more than hearsay…even if I happened to believe the hearsay.

    My general benefit of the doubt reservations were gone long ago just like yours and I’ve been criticizing them all along as though they had done something provably wrong, even when the evidence wasn’t there.

    I think the difference is that now I’m considering malevolence in areas I had no reason to suspect or even consider before. That’s not a natural position for me, but I can get to that position with enough swill floats by.

    I’m not naive, just cautious.

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