Bring It On!

Time for an Energy Thingamajig

April 9th, 2007 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Over the past 30 years, administrations of both parties have squandered golden chances to forge a coherent energy policy. Though the problem had built for years, it reached a big juicy zit in 1973 when OPEC closed the taps and Americans started buying over-priced gasoline on odd or even days. As the sheiks ordered up another round of couscous, Americans got the rude awakening.

“Gee, maybe trusting the Middle Eastern despots isn’t such a good idea.”

Ya think?

Oil or Borax?

Reagan did little about energy independence. He was too busy trying to outgun the commies and do a little gun running on the side. He believed the US was the bee’s knees and, 23-skidoo, he forgot the world’s sole remaining superpower got around in a fleet of 2 gal. per mile Lincolns. Perhaps he couldn’t tell the difference between borax and oil. After all, they both came out of the ground.

Although the Gulf War was nominally about Iraq invading Kuwait, it was also a prelude to what happens when the whole Middle East goes up in flames. Unlike his lunkhead son, 41 waged a popular war. He emerged with record high polls and had - again unlike his idiot child - real political capital to spend. With the despots beholden to him and the populace ready to do his bidding, it was the perfect time for a coherent policy. However, his dismal departing poll numbers and loss of the election tells the story of just how shallow the Ewing, er, Bush gene pool really is. Golden Opportunity No. 1 came - and went.

No “Oil” for the Blue Dress

Then, Slick Willy came to town. He talked a good game, but made no real progress. It was clear the old what’s good for GM is good for the country maxim was alive and well and living in Little Rock. The only change on his watch was to loop the gas waster manufacturers and gas suppliers together to share the cost of lobbyists. Bill pissed away his golden chance for a BJ under the desk.

Damn, that little minx Monica must have been good. Too bad it wasn’t oil that stained the infamous blue dress.

Smilin’ George’s Hummerland

Now comes George the Stupider. From atop the smoldering rubble he brought it to those dangerous, cave-dwelling, video-taping, Islamofacists. But, George’s missing weekends with the National Guard didn’t prepare him to wage war nearly as well as his Dad. Shrub, Rummy, and the Coalition of the Inept sat down at the ‘ol campfire, pulled out their mess kits, and promptly shat in them - repeatedly. When those mess kits filled, they ordered up another 110,000 and ate more beans. Meanwhile, the oil gushed so fast it threatened to pucker up the entire Middle East as it flowed into Smilin’ George’s Hummerland dealership where the motto is, “I’d give ‘em away, but my wife won’t let me!”

Oil Can George turned his energy policy over to Big Dick Vader. Dick asked the oil lobby to write the policy while he got a change of batteries for his pacemaker. Then, he howled about ANWAR as if it was the last untapped field on the planet. He followed with an encore of propping up Ken Lay and telling the country, “There’s no possible way you can conserve your way out of an oil crisis”…and Osama was too shacked up with Saddam you traitorous vermin!

Oil greases the US’s skids. It ties into defense policy, environmental policy, and foreign policy. Almost nothing in this country is untouched by the availability of oil. We’re in a race between holes burned into ozone layer by oil or an energy crisis of gigantic proportions.

The Perfect Metaphor

But, leave it to George. He took a vacation from the War of Error last week to unwittingly craft the perfect metaphor for his energy policy.

During a demonstration for a hybrid hydrogen/electric Ford, George raced to a live charging cord, picked it up, and promptly began to shove it into the hydrogen tank. Ford CEO, Alan Mulally - he of the four-month $39.1 million payoff - leapt into action and saved the leader of the free world from self-immolation, proving that what’s good for GM must be good for Ford too.

About $39.1 million good for him. Not so much for the country.

Cross Posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

[tag]politics, humor, energy, crapweasels, omnipotent+poobah, bring+it+on[/tag]

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  1. 12 Responses to “Time for an Energy Thingamajig”

  2. By Froenx on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    Would have been a spectacular event and a shoe-in for a darwin award if the guy had not intervened.

  3. By Paul Watson on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    Sorry, no Darwin. You need to die without contributing to the next generation for those. He’d probably get an honourable mention, though.

  4. By manapp99 on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    You leave out congress. After all they are the ones that craft laws that govern energy policy. The pres can put forth ideas, however it is up to the congress to make it happen

  5. By Omnipotent Poobah on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    He doesn’t believe in Darwinism, remember?

    Nothing honorable about him.

    I had thought of ripping them too, but I couldn’t fit a novel into the post.

    You’re right that the Prez can put forward only ideas, but I haven’t seen any of the ones I mentioned put anything viable forward. And, they sure as hell don’t push for anything when they do occasionally put something up. That way, Congress and the Prez can duck the issue as someone else’s fault.

    Sorry, but I lay this mainly on those Presidents’ doorsteps. The Prez is supposed to lead, not wait for Congress to meander on around to the problem and none of them did much leading on this issue.

  6. By Paul Watson on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    I did consider putting a (dis) in there but decided it wasn’t really necessary. That’s why you’re thr Omnipotent one around here.
    In recompense, here is the link to the real Darwin awards.

  7. By Craig R. Harmon on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    During a demonstration for a hybrid hydrogen/electric Ford, George raced to a live charging cord, picked it up, and promptly began to shove it into the hydrogen tank.

    I don’t see any evidence in the article that you linked that Bush “began to shove it in the hydrogen tank”, promptly or after a delay of days. What I read there is that the Ford guy guided Bush to the front of the car to prevent him from doing so.

  8. By Omnipotent Poobah on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    Point well taken. However, I’m thinking he must have been pretty close based on this quote from the article:

    “So, I started walking faster, and the President walked faster and he got to the cord before I did. I violated all the protocols. I touched the President. I grabbed his arm and I moved him up to the front,” Mulally said. “I wanted the president to make sure he plugged into the electricity, not into the hydrogen.

    If Mulally had to “violate protocols” and “grab his arm” to move him, that suggested a certain immediacy to me.

    In any case, mea culpa. As always, you have a quick eye and a strong mind.

  9. By Craig R. Harmon on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    Not that I put it past Bush to try to plug it into the fuel tank. Heck, if not preped on what to do, I don’t put it past ME to try to plug it into the fuel tank. After all, never having seen the car before, knowing that it plugs in but not knowing where and finding the plug laying at the back of the car…well…how would one know? I just think the guy saw the potential for disaster and averted it.

    I can remember watching a one year old sitting in the middle of the room looking and then taking off for…the open electrical socket…whoosh-zap! You want to head them off before they get to the socket because you don’t want them to know that you don’t want them fooling with the socket.

    Okay, I’m babbling now.

  10. By tammara on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    sometimes it is just best to let it happen. my sister lalani stuck a fingernail file into a wall socket when she was 2. never did it again. course the girl ain’t right, but i don’t think it was that that caused it. bad genetics and abuse most likely, but the finger nail file trick didn’t likely make a positive contribution to the mess, other than to teach her a very healthy respect for electricity. come to think of it, the rest of us got in on that part of it as well.

    the only problem with letting the prez light himself up would be that cheney would be in charge.

  11. By Froenx on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

    Well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out if a receptacle doesn’t look like it fits into the plug you’re holding, it’s probably the wrong one.

    and manapp, what in the world does this have to do with congress? It’s the shrub acting like.. well, the shrub. as dumb as can be. Remember, this is the same guy who can’t get into a helicopter without banging his head, hold onto a dog properly, or even make sure a book is right-side-up.

  12. By Craig R. Harmon on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply


    It’s the shrub acting like.. well, the shrub. as dumb as can be.

    Nonsense. There is no indication that Bush put the cord anywhere near the fuel tank so there’s nothing dumb about anything Bush did. Surely he didn’t wire the lawn or lay the cord at the back of the car near the tank. There’s not even any indication that, had the guy not guided the President to the front of the car, Bush would have put the cord to the fuel tank. If anyone messed up here, it was whoever put a live cord close to the fuel tank of a Hydrogen fueled car and that wasn’t Bush.

  13. By manapp99 on Apr 10, 2007 | Reply

    My point Froenx is that it is more relevent that congress has done nothing about energy than the various administrations. It is congress that is tasked with formulating and passing laws. It is their job to pass tax laws that would incentivise alternate energy or tax laws to punish usage. Blaming the various presidents is like blaming the coach for a baseball pitchers poor performance on the mound. Sure, he has something to do with it but in the end, it is up to the pitcher to do what has to be done.

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