Bring It On!

What’s a White Man to Do?

April 29th, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |


No doubt white men hold a lot of power, but that doesn’t mean they carry the master key to every portal of power. Some actually vote based on nothing more than a belief that one candidate is superior to another based on actual facts and free-thinking opinions. White men aren’t always guided by a hate of women, racial minorities, or anyone else for that matter. There’s no underground club where men meet, drink beer, and think up ways to humiliate women and minorities. There’s not even a secret handshake.

This year, the democrats feature two candidates that not so long ago wouldn’t have been considered as candidates at all, much less having a good shot at the White House. For now, the republicans are sticking with an old white man, but even Crazy Legs McCain is considering a female Veep to bring the Grand Old Peckerheads screaming and kicking into the 21st century. The idea that Carly Fiorina - who more often than not acts like an old white male - is a possibility seems like a romp with the panderbears, but what do you expect? McCain will say anything if he thinks it’s to his advantage. Hell, the man even hugged Bush.

Jiggly Bit Haters?
Nora Ephron - a woman who I generally respect and admire - wrote a HufPo piece last week that accuses white men of being either racists or sexists based solely on their external jiggly bits. In fact, she implies that white men (particularly those living in Pennsylvania) aren’t even people. According to Nora, “This is an election about whether the people of Pennsylvania hate blacks more than they hate women. And when I say people, I don’t mean people, I mean white men.

Whaaaaaa? By her logic, if I vote for Obama, I’m a sexist. If I vote for Clinton, I’m a racist. If I vote for McCain - something as probable as reversing the spin of Earth - I’m undependable. “The outcome of the general election will depend on whether enough of them vote for McCain,” she writes. “A lot of them will: white men cannot be relied on, as all of us know who have spent a lifetime dating them.” Now I’m just a lowly white male, but that statement says more about her ability to choose boyfriends than it does about how I - or thousands of other white men - will vote.

Hermaphrodite Female Eskimos
I’ve heard lots of hog-swallop this election season that runs along those same lines, but precious little about extending that pretzel logic to where it ultimately goes. If a white female votes for Obama, is she Phyllis Schlafly incarnate? How about a black woman who votes for Clinton? Does she get a complimentary membership to the KKK? My God, could a sudden groundswell of hermaphrodite female Eskimos swing the whole election?!

It’s true that some white males will vote for McCain, just as some black women will vote for Hillary and some white women will vote for Barrack. Elections are like that. They’re a chance to voice opinions about which way the country should head. Mostly these decisions are simply that - decisions. The fact that some actual racists or sexists vote the way they do is something that’ll happen regardless of who’s running, but that’s no reason to blame white males for the outcome.

There was one small statistic that Nora forgot in her article. While there are more registered white voters than black voters, there is one thing clear according to the 2004 census, there are more registered women than men. That would seem to suggest that white men don’t hold all the cards. I can’t speak for all men, but when it comes to black vs. white and male vs. female, we don’t even have a dog in this hunt, so please don’t blame us because women can’t get along with each other.

I’ll go back to being a racist and sexist now. After all, it is what we do.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

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  1. 5 Responses to “What’s a White Man to Do?”

  2. By Jet Netwal on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    Personally, I’m a fan of jiggly bits, Poobie. I’m withholding judgement on hermaphrodite female Eskimos for now.

  3. By Omnipotent Poobah on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    Well, the hemaphrodite eskimos would have jiggly bits, what’s not to love.

    Sheesh, you women (said while rolling his eyes)!

  4. By Jet Netwal on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    I guess they just have more bits that I need, Poobie. I’m just a simple country gal. :-)

  5. By Lisa on Apr 29, 2008 | Reply

    Personally I think Bobby Jindal should run with McCain. He has alot more to offer than any of the 3 candidates.

  6. By Bren on Apr 30, 2008 | Reply

    In my world, white people rock too! I agree that there are normal white men with no agenda whatsoever. Seriously, thanks guys. Your comments serve as confirmation that there are intelligent people of all races. After the recent onslaught of ignorance in the media, I needed to read comments like yours. Invariably it was almost always a white person who defended me against another white person. I never forgot it. My black neighbors take all of the parking spaces and have threatened me. Friends come in many colors. Enemies come in many colors too. I cannot comment on jiggly poohs and bits.

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