Bring It On!

Just a Pitiful Little Screed

July 16th, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Dr. Hunter S. ThompsonIt’s been a long time since my last anger-filled screed. This unexpected development isn’t because there are no more topics worthy of long and vicious screeds, it’s because I’m feeling a little like a ripple wimpily expending itself on the placid shores of a pond. It’s hard to get all worked up when the crapstorms fly at you faster than a thick swarm of killer bees stinging the ass of a nudist. So, it’s time to apply a little WD-40 to the snarky joints and get back in the swing of things.

Be kind, I’m rusty.

  • Not everything that happens to Barak Obama is about racism.
  • Not everything that happens to John McCain is about being a war hero.
  • Not everything that happens to Hillary Clinton is about sexism.
  • “Experience” has little to do with all three.
  • “Experience” has even less to do with Emperor Asshat’s crapulent performance either.
  • That goes for Asshat 41 AND DOUBLE for Asshat 43.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • George Bush doesn’t hate black people.
  • He hates anyone other than himself.
  • Dick Cheney hates everyone.
  • Even himself.
  • And he’ll shoot you in the goddamn face to prove it.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • Brownie didn’t do a heckuva job.
  • Neither did Hurricane George.
  • He still hasn’t.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • You’re not unpatriotic if you don’t wear a flag pin, don’t know all the words to the Star Spangled Banner, or can’t hit the high notes when you sing it.
  • You’re not unpatriotic by virtue of your political leanings or party affiliations.
  • You ARE unpatriotic if you wrap yourself in the flag while dismantling the Constitution piece by piece.
  • I don’t need to mention names.
  • You assholes know who you are.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • Money isn’t the root of all evil.
  • Greed is.
  • Maybe unrestrained fundamentalist religion is too.
  • It’s a toss up.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • Cutting up your credit cards because they “got you in trouble” is stupid.
  • It’s like cutting off the boyfriend’s penis because his underage girlfriend is pregnant.
  • The immediate cause of the problem is gone, but the baby still needs to be taken care of.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • People who bought houses bigger than they could afford are at fault for losing them.
  • So are the loan sharks who talked them into it.
  • So are the investors in the loan-sharking scams.
  • And while we’re at it, the political leaders who encouraged the conditions that caused the fiasco are more guilty than the other three put together.
  • Wait, there’s one more…the CEOs who ran the loan-sharking scams who profited when everyone was looking the other way and then feigned ignorance when the house of cards fell down.
  • Let’s double that last one for collecting huge bonuses on the both the upside and downside of the market they created.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • Capitalism’s basic principle is greed.
  • We only get what we pay for.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • The surge is working.
  • In the same way that garden-variety Middle Eastern ceasefire/peace initiatives always work.
  • Or at least in the same way that combat operations are complete in Iraq.
  • Wait for it, you’ll get the joke.
  • Those “combat operations” that are part of the surge are merely love taps.
  • Hardly noticeable, really.
  • What’s a little civil war between friends?

underscore(#fb781d)

  • You can lead a dictatorship to freedom, but you can’t make it drink.
  • Despite what a neo-con will tell you.
  • Especially if the neo-con’s name is Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, or Feith.
  • Thricely so if said neo-con wrote a self-aggrandizing book blaming everyone else because they failed to check his disastrous work.
  • Neo-cons are dangerous asshats, not your friends.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • “Good television” does not consist of watching people lie, cheat, and steal to stay on a desert island no sane person would go to in the first place.
  • I hope they all get dysentery.
  • Watching people take a piss via hidden camera in a locked down house named for a George Orwell character isn’t so great either.
  • That goes double for any show mentioning the names Flava Flav, Tila Tequila, Lil’ Brat, or Simon Cowell.
  • Double damnation for letting Paula Abdul on the air at all.
  • God, smite those involved in any way with reality television.
  • Let’s throw in Pat Robertson too.
  • I’ll give up atheism if you do.

underscore(#fb781d)

  • True screeds are written by brilliant authors.
  • This is not a screed.
  • It’s more of a snarky miff.
  • Hunter Thompson laughs at this “screed” from his grave.
  • At least I’d be honored if he did.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Share and Enjoy:
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google
  • e-mail
  • YahooMyWeb
Sphere: Related Content

  1. One Response to “Just a Pitiful Little Screed”

  2. By rube cretin on Jul 16, 2008 | Reply

    omni,
    Thanks i needed that. Not going to add more even though i probably could. wonder what brings on one of these screeds? so far i have been able to keep them to myself, but it’s hard. my guess is that they are therapeutic but since the authorities are already watching me i have to be very careful. You know the delusional old man shit. So you are a Hunter Thompson fan. Other than Plato i think he was the greatest. I have a collection of his quotes somewhere, but will spare u the …

Post a Comment

Fish.Travel