Bring It On!

Nancy Pelosi, Damn Your Useless Hide

July 17th, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

No-No-Nancy PelosiNancy Pelosi, damn your useless hide!

When you swept to power - well maybe not swept, more like a shuffle really - the democratic hopeful thought you’d be the savior, the leader of the vast left-wing conspiracy’s triumphant return to power. The champagne ran like beer at a Crawford picnic as you fiddled with the House gavel like it was a prized dildo. And you should know, you’ve been sucking down long, cool drafts of the Beer that Made Crapweasels FamousTM ever since.

I’ve been keeping tabs on your career as Speaker of the House of Wax and I must say your failures are Bush-like in their breath-taking crapulence. In fact, if you didn’t cover your Adam’s apple with those scarves, I’d swear you were George in drag. But it was your first big decision that’s turned out to stain your reputation beyond repair - taking impeachment “off the table”.

Despite your rumored - but rarely seen - political acumen, you broke the cardinal rule that you never tell your foes what you may do next. You cleared the table and Bush and his merry band of rubber stampers sat down for a roast constitution feast served up by the most cowardly cast of Congresspussies in American history. Almost from the beginning, you failed to make even the meekest attempt to reign the conniving bastard in. In fact, whenever one of your fellow zombies got brave enough to question his majesty - even a little - you were Josephina on the spot to make sure nothing came of it.

“And the Winner of This Year’s Darwin Award…”
But now you’ve outdone yourself and I’m nominating you for a richly-deserved Darwin Award. Your failures in handling Dennis Kucinich’s impeachment bills casts you as Monica Lewinsky to the current Asshat-in-Chief, but you’re apparently so taken with his appendage of power you can’t see it.

Look, Dennis Kucinich holds about as much political power as Washington, DC’s non-voting congressional representative. The man spectacularly lost his Quixotic run for the Presidency and sees UFOs fer Chrissakes! What can he say that would endanger democracy or even the water-stained, cracked, and peeling veneer of your self-deluding “reputation” for demanding accountability?

Never mind, I answered my own question.

Dennis knows he’s not going to get an actual impeachment. He just wants to read into the record what most of the country already suspects - George Bush has committed more crimes and misdemeanors (or in his case, capital felonies) than Ken Star could shake a gavel at. Trust me, there’s nothing he could reveal that would be any worse than the open pit mine the frickin’ frat boy has already cast the nation into.

For some reason, you’re mule-ass committed to keeping “impeachment off the table”, but completely vacant when it comes to the accountability you promised. You quashed Dennis’s first impeachment attempt by herding together enough mange-ridden cats to keep his proposal off the floor. After giving the Great Nimrod plenty of additional time to make mischief and faced with Dennis’s handily won rebid - including 9 Republicans who pulled their fists out of their goatse holes (actual picture, very NSFW and disturbing) long enough to vote - you were forced to go along.

Crimes, What Crimes?
But your motto is, “If you can’t beat ‘em, screw ‘em” - which you lustily did by limiting the discussions to “abuses of power” while letting the crimes go undiscussed.

John Conyers’s committee may give Kucinich his bloody pulpit, but democrat-controlled committees only know how to stomp their feet and issue worthless subpoenas. Given the Republican obstructions at recent committee meetings, you can guarantee nothing of consequence will ever come out them.

So there’s another fine mess you got us into Nancy. You aided and abetted a suspected criminal. You made sure that whatever he did or didn’t do remains not only legally unproven, but not even discussed. It seems to me that your actions are impeachment-ripe too, and you have scads of time on your clock to give us a fighting chance to do to you what you’ve done for the country.

Don’t pick up the soap in the congressional gym showers.
Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!


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  1. 7 Responses to “Nancy Pelosi, Damn Your Useless Hide”

  2. By Craig R. Harmon on Jul 18, 2008 | Reply

    Had to laugh at Pelosi calling Bush a total failure. Heh! Unintentional irony at its zenith and self-awareness at its nadir! Has Nancy checked out the favorability numbers for Bush and Congress lately? At least Bush’s numbers are in double digits.

  3. By Craig R. Harmon on Jul 18, 2008 | Reply

    I mean, seriously, what has Pelosi and the Democratic dominated Congress succeeded at since they took power? Ended the war? Stopped the Surge? Given the number of successes Bush has had since 2006, you’d think it was Congressional Democrats who were lame ducks, not Bush.

  4. By Craig R. Harmon on Jul 18, 2008 | Reply

    Oh, and it seems clear that she hasn’t compared her OWN favorable numbers with those of Bush.

  5. By Jet Netwal on Jul 18, 2008 | Reply

    She’s giving a speech here at Netroots Nation Saturday morning. I bet she gets booed.

  6. By Lisa on Jul 18, 2008 | Reply

    Maybe it isn’t her job to carry out the witch hunt of the far left .
    All talk with not enough substance.

  7. By manapp99 on Jul 18, 2008 | Reply

    Though I agree that Pelosi is a failure, she did the left a great favor by taking impeachment off the table. The chance of a successful impeachment were/are next to none. While I know that the netroots THINK that Bush has committed many impeachable offenses the reality is that he has not. If impeachment hearings were to occur the hearings would remind John Q Public what a whiny bunch of hypocrites the left is. Bush’s “lies” would be shown to be the same thing the Dems trying him had said before he took office. His “illegal war” was approved by the congressional members now trying him. His “illegal wire tapping” would be shown to be approved of by congress and not new to his administration. The “outing of a CIA agent” was investigated at length only to have no one charged. Even waterboarding was known to Dems in congress and was not objected to.

    There is no case for impeachment regardless of what Kookcinich says.

    Pelosi did not want to risk becoming what Nifong was to the Duke rape case. Her biggest sin was doing what politicians do. Lie to get elected. We will be discussing President Obama the same way a year or two into his first term.

  8. By Dusty on Jul 18, 2008 | Reply

    Jet, I do hope you will regale us with the goings-on before, during and after No-No Nan’s speechifying.

    This post is exactly what I had in mind when I commented on Jet’s post today about being empowered.

    We don’t have any more power than we did the day before the Nov election in 06. Its the same shit just a different party doing it.

    Great post Poobie..I concur on all points.

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