Bring It On!

The Optional President

August 1st, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Bush: The Optional President

Many call George Bush the Imperial President - although he thinks he’s more of a new messiah fella. I prefer to call him the Optional President. He behaves as if the law is nothing more than a rough guideline he can opt into or out of like a failed bank’s bogus privacy policy. With the democrats now in charge, he most often opts out via veto. Back when the Republicans controlled Congress he opted out by signing statements (including against some laws he actually signed) and then refused to explain why he shouldn’t be covered by the laws of the nation - a small problem he opted out of with over-broad claims of Executive Privilege. Now it looks like he’s dispensed with the burdensome paperwork altogether and decided to just flip off Congress without the pretense of veto or signing statement.

Since the War of ErrorTM started, Daddy Warbucks has financed his Middle East Crusades using accounting reminiscent of Fannie May and Freddie Mac. The Asshat Mac Optional Budget Model is so ingenious it gives don’t tax and spend conservatives wet dreams. The model’s ingenuity is it’s simplicity - a simple plan for a simple man. He just opts out of war expenditures to make his anorexic economic figures look merely anemic. His latest budget comes in at $482 billion - up from $413 billion in 2004 - without including the $80 billion and climbing cost of the war.

That’s one hell of an opt out.

I’m confident many taxpayers would love to opt-out of mortgage payments on their defaulting loans. In fact, Freddie Mac and Fannie May would no doubt like it too. But they aren’t allowed to bypass Congressional mandates to budget as they see fit. Apparently, WaMu has higher accounting standards than the Office of the President.

As his administration winds down and the media questions just how lame the lame duck is, he’s proving that the devastation he’s inflicted on the country will go on until his last moments in office. Putting St. Ronnie of Reagan (patron saint of morons) to shame, he’s managed to substantially rollback environmental controls, sell off the country to foreign governments and multinationals, and wrecked a bizillion trail bikes because his safety helmet keeps slipping down over his eyes … just to name a few gigantic cockups. By leaving the next administration his record $482 billion deficit and sinking us so far into the Mesopotamian muck we’ll take generations to escape, he demonstrated how much a man with so little can “accomplish” so much. He’s truly a powerhouse idjit.

It’s a nice pipe dream to think about what might have been if voters had awakened to smell the coffee back in 2004, but it doesn’t really matter in then end. By 2004, he’d already dug the hole halfway to China and it really doesn’t matter all that much if he emerges from the completed hole just in time for the Olympic opening ceremonies. It’s amazing how “all them purty flags” draw him like flies on Crawford cow flop.

If you believe a McCainomaniacal administration will be better, you should get your nose fixed. There’s a pot of Starbucks’ Special Blend on and you’re not smelling it - even now. If you’re backing the O-Man or are a frustrated Naderite nee Clintonista, there’s a pot brewing for you too. It doesn’t matter who wins in November. Whoever it is will be widow’s peak high in shite and no matter how good they are, a hole all the way to China is tough to fill in.

Man, I wish I could opt out of this mess. It seems only fair since George did.
Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

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