Bring It On!

Walmart Is Hiring Islamic Extremists

August 1st, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Muslim Walmart Ad

East Asshat, AR - Walmart executives were accused today of trying to pressure their workers to vote Republican in the fall. In one meeting, a Walmart executive reportedly said, “I am not telling you how to vote, but if the Democrats win, this bill will pass and you won’t have a vote on whether you want a union.” The implication was that Walmart would make layoffs as a consequence of a democratic win.

In fact, Walmart is already searching for replacement workers. An (actual, no kidding) ad that appeared with this lead story in today’s Huffington Post advertises listings for Walmart jobs and includes an ad for the website In the ad, an attractive Muslim woman smiles for the camera.

Some McCain supporters believe the woman is an Islamofascist Muslim living undercover as a greeter in Walmarts around the country. Some also believe she has ties to the Obama campaign and may, in fact, be a long lost Obama sister who was raised in terrorist camps along the Pakistani border.

The Obama campaign rejected the charge saying, “John McCain is a certified wacko and we’ll not dignify these obviously trumped up charges with a formal response.”

The McCain campaign responded with a series of television ads claiming, “Barak Hussein Osama is a terrorist. His Islamofacist, terrorist sister is lying in wait, with her co-conspirators Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, to destroy this country I love so much. My friends, this is worse than the terrorist fist bump exchanged by Osama and his wife in full view of the country. This is a direct attack on our beloved country and I will not let it stand if you vote for me as President of the United States. By the way, I’m a war hero too.”

The Department of Homeland Security is currently combing through the millions of phone calls captured under the Bush Administration’s expanded spying powers in hopes of finding direct links between Obama and his alleged sister.

“We’re not actually spying and we’d never, ever use any evidence about the alleged sister against Mr. Osama unless, of course, Republicans were close to losing the November elections,” A DHS spokesperson said, “It is clearly the intent of this administration to stay neutral in the nation’s politics except where it is deemed absolutely necessary.”
Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

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  1. 6 Responses to “Walmart Is Hiring Islamic Extremists”

  2. By Craig R. Harmon on Aug 1, 2008 | Reply

    “I am not a stupid person. They were telling me how to vote,” she said.

    No, you ARE a stupid person. They are not telling you how to vote; they were telling you the possible real-life consequences of the likely passage of the law mentioned in the article, a likely result of Obama’s election since he supports it and would have a majority in both chambers of Congress.

    If one happens to like the idea of unionizing on something other than a secret ballot, by all means, one should vote for Obama. But don’t be surprised if unionizing raises the price of everything sold in Wal-Marts to pay for those bumps in pay and costly benefits the union will require you to strike for. Don’t be surprised if the rising costs of the goods in Wal-Mart mean less business at Wal-Mart stores. Don’t be surprised if less business at Wal-Mart stores means lay-offs. You’re choice.

    Pretty funny post though. Seriously! You should submit it to The Onion, Omni. ;-)

  3. By Craig R. Harmon on Aug 1, 2008 | Reply

    Um, I guess unions can’t require one to strike. Unions vote whether to strike. When a majority in the union decide to strike, they do. I guess what I was trying, unsuccessfully to convey is, if one is in the union, among the minority that didn’t vote for a strike, a great deal of pressure will be on one to strike whether one supports the action or not. I worded it badly. I grovel abjectly in humiliation.

  4. By Chris Radulich on Aug 2, 2008 | Reply

    By that logic, if the republicans win we will invade Iran and North Korea, make the inquisition a normal occurance in the US, and imprison all Moslems.

  5. By Paul Watson on Aug 3, 2008 | Reply

    So, you have a problem with democratically elected majorities putting pressure on the minorities to conform to the policies the majority voted for, but no problem with undemocratically chosen corporate management putting pressure on people to make the choice that the corporation wants them to make (and since when was it management’s job to ‘educate’ their staff about the implications of politics, btw? If my boss did something like that to a staff meting, I’d take it as putting pressure on me to vote the way management wanted me to.)

    Yup, you’re definitely a Republican. ;-)

  6. By Paul Watson on Aug 3, 2008 | Reply

    That said, anything other than a secret ballot is ridiculous. Consequently, I don’t think much of that aspect of the new legislation, assuming I’ve understood your understanding of it correctly. But management pressure not to vote for the ‘wrong’ candidate, which this appears to be, is even worse.

  7. By Craig R. Harmon on Aug 3, 2008 | Reply

    What I am in favor of is secret ballots, where no pressure that ANYONE puts on ANYONE means spit because NO ONE knows how ANYONE voted regarding anything, echoing your point on secret ballots.

    My point about what WalMart did was that, since elections in this country ARE by secret ballot and, therefore, NO ONE in the company has ANY way of knowing how ANYONE voted, it isn’t pressure about how to vote.

    Since no one CAN know how I vote, I don’t give a rip how anyone else wants me to vote in an election. But in this case, I simply take it as speaking about the likely real-world effect of a particular policy that is the very likely outcome of an Obama presidency but nearly a dead on certainty that that policy will NOT take effect under a McCain presidency…unless the Democrats have a veto-proof majority in both chambers of Congress.

    As I said before, if that particular policy that Obama favors is what one thinks is just the thing for America, what WalMart people said is actually an incentive to vote for Obama.

    But I personally can’t figure out why ANYONE would vote for Obama.

    And yes, I DEFINITELY am a Republican. :-D

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