Bring It On!

Sarah Palin: Not Ready For Prime Time

September 12th, 2008 | by Tom Harper |

OOPS! What happened to my teleprompter? And all my scripts and slogans? And why didn’t that fuckin’ senile McCain tell me about the Bush Doctrine? Like, you know, what the hell it is! Hellooo??? I looked like a deer caught in the headlights when Charlie Gibson asked me if I agreed with the Bush Doctrine. All I could come up with was: “…[long pause with vapid smile]… in what respect, Charlie?” Doh! I didn’t know. That’s not faaaaiir!!!

And then I had to blurt out “Oooooohhhh, you can see Russia from Alaska.” AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! It wasn’t supposed to come out like that. I am NOT an empty suit or a shallow cheerleader! What happened??? I’m a pit bull Goddamnit, not some scared little lost puppy. I want a do-over!

Charlie Gibson was mean to me, asking all those hard questions. I wanted to talk about Jesus and how to ban books from the Wasilla Library and how many people I’ve fired because I didn’t like them. And he keeps prattling on and on about, something about conducting raids in Pakistan, or Israel attacking Iran, or admitting Georgia and Ukraine into NATO so we can fight Russia…uuuggghhh!!! WhatEVer!

And next month I have to debate Joe Biden. And it won’t be pre-recorded and released in little dribs and drabs during the Friday News Dump. It’ll be live. Oh God!

Joe Biden won’t be mean to me, will he, like Charlie Gibson was? Will the questions be easy? Do I have to keep reading Foreign Policy For Dummies?? Christ! Boooorrring.

Hey, wasn’t Dumbya wearing a wire or something during one of his press conferences, or a debate, or something? So they could whisper the answers to him and he wouldn’t sound so retarded like he usually does.

Can they get me one of those things for my debate next month? Pleeeeaase???

(Here is a partial transcript of the interview. And here is a video of Part I (of three) of the interview.)

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  1. 4 Responses to “Sarah Palin: Not Ready For Prime Time”

  2. By dguzman on Sep 12, 2008 | Reply

    She’d better hope they rig up one of those under-the-suit mikes, or she’ll be in deep moose poopie.

  3. By Craig R. Harmon on Sep 12, 2008 | Reply

    Actually, Sarah Palin may have been more ready for Prime Time than Charles Gibson is. First of all, he truncated a quote by Sarah Palin at her Church. When she called him on the misquote, he flat out lied and said those were her exact words. Problem is, what Gibson quoted was only part of what she said and what Gibson left off changed the meaning of the quote entirely.

    Was he aware of this and was just out and out lying? Did he read this shit from DailyKos or Andy Sullivan’s Daily Dish and take their lie at face value? Is he just an ignoramus? Who knows. In any case, not exactly ready for Prime Time.

    The other “Not Yet Ready…” moment was when he asked about the Bush Doctrine. Problem here is, there have been four distinct Bush Doctrines and not one of them was as Charles Gibson described it. Sarah Palin was exactly correct to ask Gibson to clarify which version of the Bush Doctrine he was asking about.

    So Sarah Palin was supposed to know what Bush Doctrine Gibson was asking about but Gibson, himself, doesn’t even know what the hell his question was asking? Very bad.

    Counting off the minutes before someone at BIO! posts that Charles Gibson is not ready for prim time…

  4. By Craig R. Harmon on Sep 12, 2008 | Reply

    As for Palin’s performance on the question, in reviewing the transcript, it’s pretty much a hash. She did, at one point, fairly well describe a doctrine of pre-emption that most would find unobjectionable:

    GIBSON: Do we have the right to anticipatory self-defense? Do we have a right to make a preemptive strike against another country if we feel that country might strike us.

    PALIN: Charlie, if there is legitimate and enough intelligence that tells us that a strike is imminent against American people, we have every right to defend our country. In fact, the president has the obligation, the duty to defend.

    Question: if we found out that Cuba were planning to launch nuclear missiles at American cities, if we had conclusive evidence that they had the missiles, that the missiles were ready for launch, if we had signals intelligence showing the Castros, father and son, discussing said attack, not in “what if” terms but in “this is the date of launch” terms, would we have a right to take out those nuclear missiles preemptively?

    Presumably, one and all would say, “Yessireebob, sir, and do it right now!” (or some such).

    But that’s not actually any iteration of the Bush doctrine. I wish she would have just said, to Gibson’s querie about cross border attacks on Pakistan without the permission of the Pakistani government. Obama has said yes to that, if the Pakistani government refused to police terrorists taking refuge within their borders. Bush has, just recently, approved such attacks and said that we would alert the Pakistani government when we make an incursion but would not be deterred if the Pakistani government said no. Palin should have said, yes, of course! Even Obama has said as much!

    Instead we got poorly phrased talking points, sometimes bordering on gobbledy-gook!


  5. By Paul Watson on Sep 13, 2008 | Reply

    To be fair, those were her exact words. They just weren’t ALL her exact words.

    It’s still dishonest (or just incredibly ignorant), but given the fuss Republicans, in general, made about Obama’s “lipstick on a pig” comment, they’re hardly in much position to attack people for taking the wrong meaning from a quote, wouldn’t you agree?

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