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Economy: Sink or Swim Boys!

September 15th, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Wall St. Got DrunkYou have to give it to the Republicans. They may be skeevy, pencil-necked greedheads, but they sure are an optimistic bunch. A big black suck hole has opened under Wall Street and our largest banking institutions are falling thorough all the way to China - where they’ll be mugged. Republican reaction? “the fundamentals of our economy are strong.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that if I was in debt to the power of infinity these legalized loan sharks would say, “Well, his economic fundamentals are strong.” No, I’m pretty sure they’d repossess everything but my lint collection and then send Guido with his baseball bat for a little practice on my knees.

Flag Pins for Cats
And even with all that, the Sunshine Boys are still resisting regulation and say the free-market will bail us out. Newsflash dunkleheads, it’s the free market that got us into this mess. That and astronomical spending for non-essential wars and the procurement of flag pins for every man, woman, child, and cat in the nation. Oh yeah, don’t forget the tax cuts. Everyone knows the first thing you do when you run out of money is quit your job.

You and I bailed out brother Freddie and sister Fannie and most of us are spitting mad about it. But the truth is that if we hadn’t bailed their sorry, well-upholstered asses out the situation would be worse. Our financial wizards have taken a tough, principled stand with the latest round of bankruptcies though. They’ve drawn the line. “No more bailouts. No more EZ-Credit (good credit, bad credit, no credit…NO PROBLEM at The Fed!). It’s sink or swim boys, sink or swim!”

Those Lehman boys could give Michael Phelps a run for his money in the 300 meter dog paddle, couldn’t they?

McBanker, the Econo-Dunce
John McBanker, an admitted econo-dunce, seems to think the whole thing will blow over before he collapses of old age and Palindrome takes over. She’s a hockey Mom by God and SHE can balance a checkbook. Well, maybe not Wasilla’s, but her own. She can balance her $10-per-month Christmas Club Fund anyway. Meanwhile, John Boy’s just another Republican digging through his medicine cabinet for the happy pills.

One good thing did come out of the Freddie-Fannie debacle. It’s a small victory, but if you’re not a Republican, you take your good news where you can get it. They’re kicking the CEOs of both companies out the door sans their platinum parachutes. Imagine, a CEO actually being paid commensurrate with his performance.

Of course this won’t inconvenience them too badly. They were already overpaid a bazillion dollars last year. They might have to scale back on that 35th house in Aspen, but my heart isn’t crying for them at their moment of greatest humiliation. Just think how much the boys at the club will laugh at them. I mean what kind of a CEO gets fired without severance pay? What a maroon!

I do see this move as a step in the right direction tough. I’d like Congress to add to their humiliation by demanding a refund of everything they ever made during their tenure as CEO, stripping all their assets, and barring them from ever working in the finance industry again - even as treasurer of their local bingo club. It seems to me that’s only fair since I’m bailing the myopic moneychangers out and many of my neighbors are losing their homes.

Sink or swim boys! Sink or swim!
Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

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  1. 2 Responses to “Economy: Sink or Swim Boys!”

  2. By John Lockwood on Sep 15, 2008 | Reply

    Yes, it’s sink or swim, except we’ll now take stock as collateral for new FED loans.

  3. By Dusty on Sep 16, 2008 | Reply

    Wow, golf clap Poobie! ;)

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