Bring It On!

How to Coddle a Downtrodden CEO

October 3rd, 2008 | by Tom Harper |

This sure is a tough time to be a CEO. Every time you open a newspaper, all you get is “Waaaaaahhhh!!! I lost my job.” “Booooohoohoohoooo, my home is being foreclosed.” Goddammit, the world doesn’t revolve around the riffraff.

Senior executives have expenses too. Your golden parachute and bonus package might be in jeopardy. And don’t you just hate it when your Lexus payment and yacht club dues are both payable on the same date? Ouch!

The public just doesn’t understand. And that damn liberal media isn’t helping anything with their one-sided reporting and their constant gloom and doom. And all this talk of class warfare and redistribution of wealth — those fuckin’ Commies! It’s all just sooo stressful.

Well, VIPs — Help is on the way!

Finally, you can have the empathy and understanding you deserve. For three glorious days, you can be pampered, cooed to and have your ego (and maybe a few other things) stroked. Now be forewarned, this taste of paradise isn’t free. It costs $15,000. OK, so you might have to forego a few dinner reservations or fire one of your gardeners or whatever.

Your three days of ecstasy will take place at the Moonview Sanctuary in Santa Monica, CA. These coddling sessions are officially known as “Executive Resilience Summits.”

They’re put on by Jerry and Laurie Ann Levin. Jerry and Laurie Ann are saying that executives are “facing possibly the toughest times in their careers.” This 3-day workshop will help beleaguered CEOs to “bounce back from this crisis while maintaining balance in their professional and personal lives.”

Hey, the New Age touchy-feely ‘70s are back. But only if you can afford it.

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  1. 4 Responses to “How to Coddle a Downtrodden CEO”

  2. By steve on Oct 4, 2008 | Reply

    I always look for one of those ideas to make a fortune on. Like the one I had about mailing DVD’s to your home for a month fee while pissed off at a Blockbuster about two weeks before Netflix launched. Tom, why did we not think of this…?

    We could be rich… we could be the ones with country club dues and all that shit. Doing this would be so fucking easy…Get 10 CEO’s, spend half that 15K on them, lavishing them with steaks, lobsters and bottles of Opus One while you sit with them and talk about their “feelings” around a pool at some resort. Make up a bunch of bullshit hippie new age crap while walking them through a forest for half a day…take your 75K for that week… and then go set up the next one, a month or so later. Then get them to pay a monthly 1K retainer for services.

    We are wasting our time with the Googles and the internets. Taking money the easy way seems to be the way to do things.

  3. By Tom Harper on Oct 4, 2008 | Reply

    Steve:

    Yeah, there you go. If I was running the workshop, it would be more like those est (Erhard Seminars Training) workshops from the 1970s, where people paid thousands of dollars to get dissed and yelled at. Or one of those “boot camps” (people pay through the nose for that too) where they’re forced to do calisthenics ’til they drop.

    It would be just as lucrative, and more fun.

  4. By Paul Watson on Oct 5, 2008 | Reply

    Or you could let them sing:

  5. By rube cretin on Oct 5, 2008 | Reply

    Mean while the million of folks screwed by these folks have created a seminar on how to construct and operate Mademoiselle Guillotine.

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