Bring It On!

The Haute Couture Maverick

October 25th, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Sarah the Clothes Horse

Poor little Hockey Mom, she’s gone from America’s hottest schoolmarm to visiting the same party-destroying poll numbers as George W. Bush. She hasn’t learned her job description, she has a multitude of positions on every issue, and she’s a profligate spender of taxpayer money on nights spent in her own home and trips with the kids and First Dood to the Moose-Skinning Championships in Boondogglevania. But this week, one faux pas rose above all others - paying retail for clothing in some of the nation’s toniest shops.

As “scandals” go, this one is more comedic than constitutional. In the irony-challenged Republican party, an Eliza Doolittle is nothing unusual. It’s just mystifying how everyone is dwelling on the symbolism of the affair when there’s untouched meat to be chewed.

Controlling budgets is one of the tick marks on Sarah Barracuda’s Big List of Bestest Experience©. It’s right there after shaking her tiny fists at the Russians within sight of Little Diomede Island.

The $150,000 she spent on clothing isn’t a budget buster. McThusala spends that much every day to renew the formaldehyde in his bubble and the funerary make up on his face. No, it’s what Sarah bought with the money that’s the scandal.

It’s really loading the pork barrel when you spend that much on 30 identical vinyl jackets - 15 each in red or black. The thigh-revealing skirts may have been cat nip to all the Joes the Plumber, but did they all have to be black? Her scarf spending seems a little weak too. Sweetie, you’re a Republican and it’s terribly gauche to wear a scarf with Democrat donkeys on it. That’s part of the job description for Vice President don’tcha know (insert wink here). I expect the suits and tuxes for the First Dood were good buys, but he really should remove the sled-race contestant numbers before going on the campaign with you.

Now I’m no clothes horse, but I’d advise her to spring for some hair styling and make up. The updoo and the downdoo both look good, but fer chrissakes do something with those bangs. I like my Veeps to use both eyes, lest they accidentally trip over the Constitution or something. And if your cheekbones were outlined any redder, they’d touch your bangs further reducing your field of vision. Remember, less is more.

Sarah, babe, you need to return to your fiscal conservative roots, cut spending, lower clothing bills, and cut out the waste and fraud. With a few visits to Target and a trip to Miss Wasilla’s Hair Salon and Make Up Emporium you should get by with $150 easy.

Go ahead, stand up to the haute couture special interests. Be a maverick.
Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

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