Bring It On!

Chimpy McStumblebum Has Some Regrets

November 12th, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Evil Bastard

So now he has regrets.

In a new interview, Chimpy McStumblebum reveals that - EGADS! - he has some regrets. This seems logical given the carnage he’s wrought over the last 8 years. A truly reflective man would look back at Katrina and say, “What the hell was I thinking! I have nightmares filled with drowning victims that torment me to this day.” He might’ve looked back and said, “Upon reflection, I see how starting 2 wars wasn’t the smartest thing to do. I should be tarred and feathered and run out of the country for that.” Or even, “I really screwed the pooch when it came to the economy and I can’t live with myself for all the heartache I’ve cost millions of Americans.

But then, George isn’t a reflective man. In fact, he doesn’t appear to have reflected much since his April 2004 interview that posed the question. He cops to saying “bring ‘em on” and “wanted dead or alive” might have been a little over the top. Then there’s the “Mission Accomplished” banner, he used to claim was posted by sailors, not his advance team. Obviously the man leads a charmed life. I have worse trauma than that in rush hour traffic. Jesus H. Christ you asshat! You brought half the frickin’ world down around your shoulders with your incompetence and cockamamie ideology and the worst thing you can think of is that you played hooky once to dress up like G.I. Frickin’ Joe?

You abominable spit wad.

Like Turds on a Shingle
Publishers speculate Shrub’s memoirs would sell like turds on a shingle given his unpopularity. Laura and Barney have a better shot at a book advance - and Barney just bit someone! Memoirs are reflections on a life and given G-Dub’s extreme lack of reflection, it’s likely his book would be about 3 pages of unintelligible malapropisms - not unlike one of his speeches. It’s socko revelation would be something along the lines of, “Ah’m just as em-barrassed as a 3-eyed pole cat thet ah used them worms ’stead uh my yellow spinner when ah was a-fishin’ fer crappie down to the cee-ment pond. Ah’ was plumb dev-o-mistated ah tell ya’.”

The 75% of the population that thinks he’s pond scum have been waiting for the giant light bulb to appear over his head for years. Fat chance of that. There won’t be any regrets from this man because he truly believes that he’s never, EVER, done anything wrong. All the drinking and carousing as a youth weren’t mistakes, they were just character building to prepare him for his Manifest Destiny as Moron-in-Chief. Run some companies into the ground? Pish-posh, that was just the economic training he needed to produce such stellar results with the economy. Damage the nation’s standing in the world so badly that the guy coming in could sit on the pot for 8 years and the rest of the world would rejoice in comparative approval? You betcha!

Hating the Sinner and the Sin
It’ll be a long wait for anyone who expects him to be held responsible for his gleaming crapulence. The man claims he’s a Christian - apparently a member in good standing of the Church of Crapweasels (Neo-Con Synod). The Bible he reads is way different than the one I was taught in Sunday school. I’m an atheist today and it’s people like him that made me that way. I could never grasp how a Supreme Wazoo could be so inept as to create such a grotesque creature. He is the only human who’s ever made me wish I was still a Lamb of God. Because the Good Book teaches that unrepentant sinners rot in hell and if there’s one thing George Bush is above all else, it’s a sinner so big you have to hate the sinner AND the sin.

If I did believe, I’d like a God who’d admit a mistake and somehow rectify it for eternity. I’d hope he’d have the good sense to see that when George repents, it’ll be the biggest whopper God has heard since the Big Bang. I’d like to hear God invite George to a barbecue thrown by one of his special friends. It’d be just like the affairs George throws in Crawford. All his buddies gathered around and shootin’ the shit about the good life, gnawin’ on some ribs, and drinkin’ a cool O’Doul’s. I’d like to be there when God introduces good ole, salt-of-the-earth George. I can hear it right now, like a voice from the heavens.

“George, I’d like you to meet my friend Satan. Satan, this is George. How about we fire up the grill?!”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

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  1. One Response to “Chimpy McStumblebum Has Some Regrets”

  2. By Liberal Jarhead on Nov 13, 2008 | Reply

    Being a born-again means never having to say you’re sorry…

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