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James Dobson: Just Another Failed CEO

November 19th, 2008 | by Omnipotent Poobah |

Pinhead PreacherIt couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

After donating over $600,000 to defeat gay marriage in California, James Dobson recently announced layoffs at Focus on the Family.

Apparently Dobson’s “family” members aren’t immune to God’s economic wrath. There’ve been layoffs for the past 3 years and the latest batch of 202 pink slips - in addition to 46 earlier this year - will force more of God’s chosen employees into the economic wilderness without a prophet to lead them back.

Happy holidays! Er, Merry Christmas!

It would seem Dobson has the business smarts of a typical CEO - the CEO of General Motors let’s say. He’s been preaching inferior crap for years - sort of the ecumenical version of building the Chevrolet Vega. His sermons have been flopping, his market is shrinking, and yet he continues to piss away other people’s money on infuriating a healthy portion of the electorate for no reason other than sheer meanness.

The Big Kahuna is His Lobbyist
With two months left to go on the Bush crime syndicate’s White House lease, Dobby will probably be begging for a bailout soon, just like every other Tom, Dick, and Republican asshat in the country. The only difference is that Dobson’s lobbyist is the Big Kahuna himself and we all know what happens when He speaks to the Crapulent Cowboy. George’ll be pissing all over himself to toss one more $350 million turd onto the fire with only the voices in his head for collateral.

I’m sure Dobson sees this as just a small setback that will heal thyself with the next Republican administration. But, I’m not so sure.

Aside from the next Republican administration being light years away, maybe God is directly behind Dobson’s shrinking fortunes. After years of listening to Dobson preach tankers full of hateful hogswallop, perhaps The Big Guy had enough. Maybe he can’t stomach the sound of the sanctimonious little shit’s voice any more. I can see why. If I had to listen to this asshat - along with all the other Westboro Church, Pat Roberston, Benny Hinn wannabe disciples of Christ - I’d be ready to send a sign that my patience is running thin too. A thunderbolt up the ass is a cleansing thing.

Although I’m not a Goat of God, I always advise my believing friends to ask God to wash this human detritus away. Clearly God needs better PR representation on Planet Earth. These guys preach His word with all the flawlessness of the McCain campaign preaching fear of Muslim, terrorist fist-jabbing, communist opponents.

Z-Bags and Karma
I’ve been waiting a long time for zealots like Dobson to explain how 2 people getting married has the slightest bearing on their religious faith. Gays aren’t asking for a goddamn thing other than that which they’re entitled to.

If the Z-Bags still want to call them faggots, they have a First Amendment right to do so. They can still preach that the gay lifestyle is a sin. They can forbid their children to associate with kids from the family with two mommies. They can call gay marriages freakish shams that could’ve been avoided if only they’d decided to turn straight. Gays aren’t asking to change religious beliefs or save them from their own wickedness. They just want to get married and Focus on Their Familes. There’ve always been gay people - including some hidden in the closet of Hobson’s own church no doubt - and many have been in love. The matter of which two people can join in matrimony is solely between the state legislature and couples.

Because of his intransigence, Dobson is finding out the hard way that karma is a spiritual reality. He and the rest of his slimy clan can preach as much hate as they want, but they should remember there’ll be a day of reckoning and God may not like what He sees. In fact, Dobson may not be on as strong ground with the Big Fella as he thought.

And from what I’ve always been taught, God doesn’t allow do-overs for ass buckets either.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

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  1. 6 Responses to “James Dobson: Just Another Failed CEO”

  2. By Craig R. Harmon on Nov 19, 2008 | Reply

    I owned a Vega. Man, a worse piece of shit was never produced anywhere! In the space of a five years or so, I ran through two transmissions and two sets of front fenders rusted completely through.

    Although, I’m not sure that having to lay off employees = being a failed CEO. He’s preaching the truth as he sees it taught in the Bible. His concern is not the popularity of the message but the purity of the message. If people reject the message, that’s no more than Jesus predicted (or no more than the Gospels say that Jesus predicted) when he said: “For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (Matthew 7:14). On the other hand, the Gospel also reports that Jesus said: “…the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many” so one could argue that the more popular the message, the less likely it is to be Jesus’s genuine message.

    But I think your whole theory of “do-overs for ass buckets” thing is bass-ackwards as well. Take for example Saul, persecutor of the Church, whom God turned into the apostle to the Gentiles and author of a good chunk of the Christian New Testament or a certain prostitute whom Jesus praised for anointing him with expensive oil or a certain tax-collector who became an Apostle. The whole point of grace is the giving of do-overs to ass buckets.

    But truer words were never spoken of the Vega!

  3. By Dusty on Nov 19, 2008 | Reply

    I concur Poobie, the asshat known as James Dobson is, in my opinion a false prophet.

    Jesus didn’t preach hating anyone, far from it…and Dobson hates lots of groups of humans.

    Nothing would make me happier than to see Focus On the Family die off and file Chapter 7..NOTHNG!

  4. By Paul on Nov 19, 2008 | Reply

    Maybe the dirtbag should pray to his god. He is and will always remain a hate spewing, jingoistic asshat ? is it. I despise him and all he stands for if the government gives him money everyone should get an infusion of green. No one is immune from economic hard times. Personally I would like to see people of his ilk rot in their own self made hell. As for feeling sorry for anyone employed by this supposed “person” I could care less where they end up, harsh maybe, find a real job and contribute to society. If heaven exists he should be banned form entry. Did he not have his so called congregation pray for Obama’s defeat? Been a long time since I visited this site enjoy and please don’t hate me.

  5. By Tom Harper on Nov 19, 2008 | Reply

    This is excellent news. The word schadenfreude was invented for moments like this. Die Dobson! (Figuratively of course :) )

  6. By Paul on Nov 19, 2008 | Reply

    Yes indeed Tom this is mass schadenfreude and I am not even close to feelings of any guilt. No pitiless shame or remorse. I voted for McGovern {1972 I was at fort Dix NJ, absentee} and prior to Obama he was the last politician I really liked. Clinton was ok but not truly a man of the people. Like Bill Maher said I use to say god damn America, now its more god…. dammm…. America! every now and then the citizens unite and do the right thing. Did I just hear Cheney may be indited?

  7. By steve on Nov 20, 2008 | Reply

    Hopefully if James Dobson’s group is going Chapter 7 it has in a headlock dragging it down with them.

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